


live wire

by Ataraxia



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:42:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8666218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ataraxia/pseuds/Ataraxia
Summary: Life goes on.





	

Guan Shan dyes his hair red the summer he turns fourteen.

His mother bursts into tears the second she sees him. His father frowns. On the table, unopened bills sit forlorn and crooked.  

“It’s just temporary dye,” he ventures cautiously. He had prepared for a fight, for an exchange of barbs dipped in poison. The silence is unnerving.

“We’re closing the restaurant,” his father finally rumbles.

His mother sobs harder and Guan Shan feels his stomach drop.

X

Life doesn’t end when the restaurant closes.

Guan Shan keeps going to detention. Sometimes he cooks and sometimes he fights and sometimes he doesn’t.

He continues to dye his hair red. His mother frowns when he comes home with bruises and his father calls from prison every Thursday without fail. Guan Shan refuses to answer.

And, because Guan Shan won’t, his mother does the talking. One Thursday evening, he catches a snippet of their conversation without meaning to. His mother whispers, “I don’t know what to do with him anymore. He’s going downhill and I can’t stop it.” Her voice cracks. His father says something that Guan Shan cannot decipher, but his mother replies, “Yes, I know. It’s just hard. I feel like—like I’m failing as a mother.”

Guan Shan all but sprints out of the apartment. He runs because he cannot face the consequences of his stupidity—bashing a kid’s head with a rock _god_ what was he even thinking—and he never even thought about how much that would hurt his mother. Guan Shan runs because it’s all he can do, and he doesn’t stop until he reaches the convenience store five blocks away.

Because the universe hates him, He Tian exits the store just as Guan Shan is rounding the corner to go inside. He’s chatting with a group of girls— pretty little things with glossy lips and plaited hair—and they are all smiling and laughing. He Tian is holding a plastic bag in his left hand, and the girls are asking him about his favorite snacks. It strikes Guan Shan in that moment that they have no idea that He Tian is an awful person, a vile creature that is as mean as he is handsome.

He Tian catches sight of Guan Shan before he can duck and hide. The warm smile on his face drops. His brows furrow and something like—concern? worry?—clouds his expression. 

“What’s wrong?”

It’s directed at Guan Shan. The girls turn to stare and Guan Shan can see their eyes widen in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” Louder this time, more insistent. “Guan Shan, answer me.”

“Is he your friend, He Tian?” the girls ask in unison. When He Tian doesn’t reply, the shortest girl of the group whispers, “Is he—is your friend crying?”

Guan Shan reaches up and touches something wet on his cheek. Humiliation burns like a live-wire down his spine. He hates He Tian the most, he decides. Hates He Tian more than he hates his father.

“Guan Shan—wait!”

He’s running before he can deny the tears or bark at the girl to shut up. He doesn’t look back and he doesn’t stop for traffic or for the voice calling after him. Guan Shan runs until the sky darkens and the temperature drops.

He runs until the tears dry salty and cold on his face.

X

He returns home late with no explanation or excuse. His mother smiles shakily at him when he walks into the foyer. She says, “I made your favorite for dinner. Beef stew and rice; your bowl is by the stove.”

Guan Shan nods. He holds her gaze for a moment, then says, “Thank you, ma.”

Her face alights and Guan Shan silently vows to be a better son. He hates his father and he hates He Tian, but he loves his mother. She’s all that he has, and he refuses to cause her anymore heartache.

(later, when he is cocooned in bed, a truth hits him solidly in the chest: he hates himself more than he could ever hate his father or he tian)

X

She Li has a pretty face and an even prettier voice.

The deal he offers is sinfully tempting. Guan Shan worries his bottom lip between his teeth. What’s another line on his rap sheet? And he hates school—he’s awful at tests and his teachers barely tolerate him. Being expelled would be a blessing. He could get a full-time job and help his mother around the house. He could become something great.

“I’ll do it,” he says.

She Li smiles and Guan Shan suddenly feels like Eve, blindly trusting a snake.

X

He leaves the principal’s office on fawn-weak legs.

Jian Yi’s squawking is still ringing in his ears. Nobody besides his mother has ever defended him like that. Guan Shan wants to shake him for being so stupid.

The conflicting emotions he feels toward Jian Yi are eclipsed only by those he feels toward He Tian, who strolls down the hall with his palm sliced open as if it is the latest fashion accessory. He smiles at Guan Shan, says something about not having to worry anymore, and Guan Shan’s body is moving on autopilot without his consent.

He wraps He Tian’s hand with his shirt, keeps his touch light and soft. He twines their fingers together and lets his thumb press against He Tian’s pulse. He Tian lets out a tiny breath, a sweet gasp, and Guan Shan immediately steps back, the moment shattered.

“I’ll help pay for any hospital bills,” Guan Shan blurts. “You did this because—”

“Come to my place,” He Tian interrupts. When Guan Shan stiffens, he quickly says, “I won’t do anything to you, I swear. Just help me stop this bleeding.”

Guan Shan follows him wordlessly back to his apartment

X

“I’m not a doctor,” Guan Shan says for the second time. “And this is a nasty cut. You should probably go the hospital and get stitches.”

He Tian doesn’t respond. He watches silently as Guan Shan applies the antiseptic to his wound; doesn’t even protest when Guan Shan tightly wraps white bandages around his hand. Guan Shan wants to snap at him—take a picture, it’d last longer— but the bandages are already staining pink, and Guan Shan isn’t heartless.

“I’m sorry,” He Tian mutters once Guan Shan finishes fussing with the bandages.

“It’s no problem,” Guan Shan replies. “I owe you.”

“No,” He Tian shakes his head. “I’m sorry for…before.”  
  


For a second, Guan Shan doesn’t understand. Then the memories come, unbidden and mean: his face firmly held in place, a probing tongue stabbing into his mouth, the sinking realization that his first kiss was gone forever. 

Guan Shan swallows. Shrugs his shoulders. “It’s like you said, it didn’t kill me. No big deal.”

“But it _was_ a big deal. I shouldn’t have done it.”

“Yeah,” Guan Shan agrees, “you shouldn’t have.”

They lapse into silence. Guan Shan eyes He Tian’s hand. The bandages are dark pink now, the same color as candy floss. Guan Shan tries to imagine a nail slicing into his skin. The thought makes him shudder.

“A do-over,” He Tian declares, his voice retreating into that fake baritone he uses with the girls in their class. “Or rather, you kiss me so we’re even.”

“I don’t want to kiss you,” Guan Shan snaps.

“But I’m injured,” He Tian sing-songs, his eyes crinkled at the corners.

“Why does that matter?” Guan Shan asks.

He Tian’s smile falters. “It doesn’t. I just want you to show me how you like to kiss. So if I ever get the opportunity to do it again—do it right, I mean, after a date or something, you won’t be disappointed.”

Guan Shan feels his cheeks heat. His shoulders tighten and draw up.

“Or not,” He Tian offers. The smile on his face is awkward and forced. “Forget I said anything. Just. Thanks for bandaging me up, I—”

“I don’t know what I like,” Guan Shan admits in a rush. “That was my first kiss.”

He Tian’s eyes goes soft. He looks guilty and ashamed and Guan Shan is ready to bolt for the door. Before he can make a run for it, He Tian says, “We can figure out what you like together if you want.”

The offer is sweet, sweeter than anything She Li could ever offer.

Guan Shan steps forward.

X

He Tian’s face is warm.

“Like this,” Guan Shan says, cupping his cheeks softly. “Instead of grabbing tight.”

He Tian nods, his eyes glassy and bright. Guan Shan can’t believe that they are doing this, that he’s able to talk without stuttering or choking on his tongue. And He Tian isn’t mocking him or laughing which is—surprising.

“Nothing crazy at first,” Guan Shan continues. “Just slow.”

Guan Shan takes a deep breath before leaning forward; he barely grazes their lips together before pulling back. He Tian gasps again, the same sound he made when Guan Shan held his hand in the hallway. Guan Shan bites back a smile.

“Is that all?” He Tian croaks, trying for cocky but falling short, and Guan Shan is suddenly emboldened.

“No,” he replies, capturing He Tian’s bottom lip between his teeth.

Guan Shan nips softly, laps slowly in when He Tian’s mouth parts easily beneath his own. Guan Shan takes his time, runs his tongue alongside He Tian’s, shyly teases the roof of his mouth. When breathing becomes a pressing concern, Guan Shan pulls away, whispers, “Like that. That’s what I like.”

And cool, implacable He Tian, with his pupils blown wide, swallows thickly and croaks, “Got it.”

X

Life goes on.

Guan Shan has dinner with his mother every Thursday night. He forgives his father. He lands a job at a ritzy restaurant downtown, working long hours and enjoying every second of it. He Tian drags him on double-dates with Jian Yi and Zhengxi, and Guan Shan pretends to be annoyed; afterwards, to make amends, He Tian will kiss him until his head spins and his knees shake.

Life goes on.

And he still dyes his hair red.

 

X

end.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!  
> also! i took artistic liberties--it appears that guan shan is a natural red head since his mom has the same hair color. i wrote the first part of this fic before we saw her and well...i just really liked the idea of him dying his hair as an act of rebellion? haha.


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